Presented Without Comment…

ALVIN, SIMON & SIMON, and THEODORE:

Let’s Cast…EXCALIBUR

With this X-Men: First Class prequel slowly rolling forward–not to mention another (crappy, I’m going to assume) Wolverine movie–it looks like Hollywood is doing it damnedest to squeeze every last penny out of Marvel’s Merry Mutants. What I can’t figure out is why they don’t try to mine some of the dozen or so other mutant-related comics in Marvel’s catalog–like the New Mutants. Or Excalibur.

Excalibur was a great series about a team of mutants that drew its roster from both the Marvel UK Captain Britain series and the X-Men. For a very long time, Excalibur was my very favorite series…then it was canceled and replaced with numerous sub-par relaunches. For an Excalibur movie, I’d (more or less) use the roster from the later issues.

Kevin McKidd as Captain Britain/Brian Braddock

Between Rome and Journeyman, something tells me that McKidd could handle any kind of weird that a movie like this would throw at him.

Georgia Moffett as Meggan

Moffett’s got the pixie-ish look that I’d want to see in the actress cast as Braddock’s girlfriend and teammate, Meggan–the mutant elf shapeshifting elemental. (Also, the fact that just mentioning Moffett’s name sends the David Tennant fangirls into a suicidal rage fills me with glee.)

Natalia Tena as Psylocke/Elizabeth “Betsy” Braddock

Although usually a member of the X-Men, I’d want to have Brian’s sister on this team…mostly because I think Natalia Tena is made of awesome.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Nightcrawler/Kurt Wagner

I like JGL. If he can pull off a passable German accent, I think he’s got the right body type and facial features to play Nightcrawler. Also, he kind of owes me for G.I. Joe.

Mekenna Melvin as Shadowcat/Kitty Pryde

Kitty matured a lot during her time with Excalibur. As Casey’s daughter on Chuck, Melvin gave the impression that–despite her age and inexperience–she could, very easily, become a part of Team Bartowski.

Alexander Nevsky as Colossus/Piotr Rasputin

Nevsky is a huge Russian dude, I think that’s enough. (He was also in a movie called Moscow Heat…which just really tickles me.)

Lindy Booth as Marvel Girl/Rachel (Summers) Grey

Rachel was there from Day One. Booth’s got sass. Rachel’s got sass. I like sass.

Dylan Moran as Pete Wisdom

Go watch Black Books…I’ll wait…

Karen Gillan as Wolfsbane/Rahne Sinclair

Scottish? Check. Redhead? Check.

Jesse Eisenberg as Douglock

Okay…Douglock is (essentially) some strange amalgam of Warlock and Doug Ramsey (aka Cypher). Now, while I had originally cast Chris Colfer as Cypher in my New Mutants movie, I decided to go with someone different to be the fake Doug.

Gina Bellman as Dr. Moira MacTaggert

Moira had a long history with the X-Men–as friend, associate, and lover of Charles Xavier–before Excalibur started using her mutant research center on Muir Island as a base of operations. Why Bellman? Why not?

To Me, My X-Men!

Do you know what the world needs? An all-ages, continuity-free X-Men title. A title where characters don’t die horribly (over and over again), where they don’t carry on lurid telepathic affairs, and where they don’t form blood-thirsty, baby-killing death squads.

To be honest, I’m kind of shocked Marvel doesn’t already have an X-Men title in their Marvel Adventures line. Good thing I’m around.

Time to fire up Cerebro and find us some mutants…

Cyclops (Scott Summers)

I know a lot of people don’t like Cyke because he’s all about rules and strategy and that’s just not “sexy.” But, y’know, every team needs this guy. Where would the Ninja Turtles be without Leonardo?

Marvel Girl (Jean Grey)

Can’t have Scott without Jean. Besides, I like Jean. Not a fan of the whole Phoenix identity…but I’m not sure that “Marvel Girl” is an appropriate name for Ms. Grey, either.

Beast (Hank McCoy)

No cats. Ever.

Wolverine (Logan)

I’d keep Wolverine the cranky, fly-in-the-ointment character he was meant to be. The title is X-Men…not Wolverine and Some Other Folks.

Storm (Ororo Munroe)

Despite the laughably horrible performance by Halle Berry, I do like Storm and always save a spot for her on any incarnation of the X-Men.

Rogue

I’ve always liked Rogue. It could be the accent. Personally, I like the original recipe Rogue, before she went and permanently absorbed Ms. Marvel’s powers.

Shadowcat (Kitty Pryde)

Shut up!

Nightcrawler (Kurt Wagner)

I refuse to live in a world where Kurt is dead. This way,  I wouldn’t have to.

Colossus (Piotr Rasputin)

I think Pete, here, has the same kind of “he’s not a bad boy so he ain’t cool” stigma that Scott has. Too bad being (or, at least, trying to be) a good person doesn’t get the same kind of respect that being a douche gets.

Iceman (Bobby Drake) and Angel (Warren Worthington, III)

This roster is kind of out of control…and, even though I like Bobby and Warren, I’m not sure they need to be on the team.  Of course, with 3/5 of the original team here, I’d feel bad leaving them out.

Professor Charles Xavier

And, behind it all, I’d have Professor Charles “Hope You Don’t Mind if I Live Vicariously Through My Teenage Students’ Hooking Up With Each Other” Xavier.