Let’s Cast…THE NEW MUTANTS

A while back, Disney bought Marvel and, once the nerds stopped their infernal bitching, they were able to read this story. Could we be getting a New Mutants movie? God, I hope so. I mean, I hate teenagers and most stories about teenagers, but I do love me some New Mutants. Maybe it’s because when I first started reading comics, the first team of New Mutants had just formed and they were only a little older than I was. Whatever, I don’t care. The fact is, they might be making a New Mutants movie. If nothing else, it will finally give Hollywood an excuse to cast a bunch of zygotes in a superhero movie.

The Plot: As always, let’s keep this shit simple. Someone–or something–has been terrorizing the southwestern states of the U.S. Now, this malevolent force is heading towards Boulder, CO,  where Dani Moonstar grew up. With the rest of the X-Men away doing something adult and boring (like fighting for their civil rights or some other lame-ass bullshit), it’s up to the junior varsity team to handle the situation. When the New Mutants investigate, they come face to face with the vicious Demon Bear.

The Cast: I know very little about actors born after 1990, so this wasn’t the easiest thing in the world for me to do. Also, even though this movie is part of the X-Men franchise, there will be no fucking Wolverine! Maybe…maybe…Patrick Stewart could show up in either the beginning or the end as Xavier, but I don’t want Hugh Jackman sniffing around anywhere near this set.

Bug Hall as Cannonball/Samuel Guthrie

bug hall1 cannonball

I hated Cannonball for a long time. He always struck me as a Junior Cyclops, a nice guy but sorta dull and by-the-book. Lately, though, I’ve come around to liking the guy. To me, Cannonball’s defining characteristic is his height, and Bug Hall clocks in at around 6′ 2″. Plus, the kid’s from Texas and played Alfalfa in the Little Rascals movie, so I’m sure Bug could handle playing the son of a Kentucky coal miner.

Selena Gomez as Danielle “Dani” Moonstar

Selena Gomez moonstar

Selena plays a wizard or something on the Disney Channel, right? Okay, so playing a mutant shouldn’t be too much of a stretch. I wonder how she’d feel about learning how to use a bow and arrow…

Corbin Bleu as Sunspot/Roberto “Bobby” da Costa

corbin-bleu-haircut 427px-Sunspot_004

I tried to find a young Brazilian actor who looked like he was capable of more than just standing around in his underwear and gazing dreamily into the camera. Didn’t work out too well. So, instead, I decided to find someone who looked like what I imagine Bobby would look like. That’s when I found Corbin.

Karen Gillan as Rahne Sinclair/Wolfsbane

500full-karen-gillan wolfsbane

Gillan’s a redhead and a Scot, can we do better than that? Now, for most of her appearances, Rahne sported a crew cut…but, when she returned to Xavier’s school after losing her powers, she had grown her hair out. Of course, she had also abandoned her usual shy, retired personality for one of mock-rebellion. I honestly don’t care is Gillan plays the role with long or short hair (although cutting that hair would be a crime), but I would prefer a Wolfsbane who was more mousy than brash.

Jessica Weixler as Magik/Illyana Rasputin

jessweixler illyana-rasputin_400

Magik’s kind of tricky. On one hand, she’s a mutant who can create discs that teleport herself and others across dimensions. On the other hand, she’s a half-demon sorceress and the ruler of Limbo. There’s also been that whole aging, de-aging, re-aging thing. Maybe this movie could briefly touch on Magik’s sorcery and then explore it more in a sequel. Either way, I think Weixler looks the part.

Kelly Vitz as Karma/Xi’an McCoy

Vitz, Kelly karma1

Karma started off as the team leader, then “died” and was replaced by Cannonball. I’m only really familiar with the team under Sam’s leadership, but have no problem with Karma leading the team in the movie (it’s not like Sean Connery is in it and can’t take orders from a woman).

Evanna Lynch as Magma/Amara Aquilla

evanna_lynch1 250px-MarvelComicsMagma

Magma’s backstory is kind of a mess. But, she can turn into and control lava and that’s kind of awesome. Plus, Lynch is so delightfully bizarre in the Harry Potter movies that I want her to get as much work as possible.

Chris Colfer as Cypher/Douglas Ramsey

chris colfer 157003-130248-cypher_super

I hate Cypher. Hate. He has a ridiculous power…the power of translating. Really? So, he’s C-fucking-3PO? The kid had no place in the field, no wonder he bought it in the comics. Anyway…I’m sure people will be clamoring for Warlock to show up eventually, so introducing Cypher somewhere in the first movie will make his sudden appearance in the Warlock sequel less jarring. And, I must admit, I do like this Colfer kid.

Jake Thomas as Legion/David Haller

jake thomas2 440px-Legiona

I’m not sure if Legion was intended to be a main antagonist in the New Mutants comic…but, for some reason, when I think of Legion, I think of the New Mutants. This seems to be somewhat justified by the fact that the first arc of the new comic series focused on the return of Legion. Anyway…a mutant with multiple personalities, many with mutant powers of their own? Sounds cool to me. And, who knows, one of those personalities may manifest itself as a monstrous demon bear…

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12 responses to “Let’s Cast…THE NEW MUTANTS

  1. David Gallaher

    >> Amara Aquilla >>

    Alison Crestmore!

  2. Isn’t that a false personality/memory? I don’t even know anymore…

  3. Hahahahahaha, Corbin Bleu. That’s perfect. (I, uh, have friends who analyze tween culture for fun — http://tweenage.blogspot.com — and one of them has a huge crush on Corbin.)

    I approve of most of this list, though I’d love to find a Native actress to play Dani.

  4. I had originally thought about Tamara Feldman…who’s half Cherokee…but, also 29. Again, knowing next to nothing about teen actors, I was forced to ask Google and Wikipedia. Most Native American actresses I found were a bit out of the age range.

  5. I can’t believe you cast a High School Musical-er.

  6. I have to go to where these kids are. Besides, I also cast a Harry Potter-er and a Gleek.

  7. This is true, I’m just surprised is all. Have you seen High School Musical? Because I totally have. I’ve seen all three, and I paid money for #3. Oh yeah.

  8. Haven’t seen ’em. Probably won’t…since I prefer my musicals to be less earnest (like Glee or anything Joss does).

  9. Chris is a great pick for Cypher (even if the character is…not so great).

  10. Pingback: Let’s Cast…EXCALIBUR « Faust’s Fantastically Fantasmagoric Forum

  11. Excellent choices with Selena and Evanna. They would both be excellent

  12. You do realize that Cypher’s power is the most ridiculously overpowered power ever! He can instantly translate anything including computer languages and secret codes. Dude could own whole governments in a matter of days.

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