I May Be Delusional…But, At Least I’m Happy

This new Sherlock Holmes movie is a bad idea.* There. I’ve said it. It just looks horrible on so many levels. Holmes doesn’t jump out of windows. He doesn’t get chained to a bed naked. He doesn’t toss about double entendres.

Anyway…despite the fact that the very thought of this movie causes me to vomit forth fiery gouts of scarlet rage, the universe sees fit to bombard me with posters, trailers, and (if I’m not mistaken) some bizarre Tac0 Bell promotion. There’s really only one way to handle this. Deception.

In the interest of my own sanity, whenever I see Robert Downey, Jr. (aka Mr. Awesome) and Jude Law (aka that pansy-ass cowardly deserter from that Mountain movie)…

…I will simply replace them with two actors who could actually do Holmes and Watson justice:

Jeremy Irons:

And David Thewlis:

*: Though, to be fair, any Holmes other than Jeremy Brett’s Holmes is a bad idea.

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8 responses to “I May Be Delusional…But, At Least I’m Happy

  1. I haven’t seen a trailer so I can’t figure out who is Holmes and who is Watson and I can’t be bothered digging one out.

  2. While I agree with you that these characters are not based on the actual literary characters, I’ll go see the movie. I’m just treating it like I did The Clone Wars: everything that I know to be true must be forgotten…

  3. Faust, I agree whole-heartedly with your suggestions, and I like the way you cast them according to sexiness levels. Thewlis is sexy, but Irons is sexier. Good call. 🙂

  4. I agree wholeheartedly that Jude Law is a pansy- he deserves a bitch slap (clarification: a slap of the back of my hand/palm).

    Happy Holidays.

  5. Jude Law should stick to playing robot gigolos. It’s more believable that way. Don’t get me wrong, I love robots.

  6. I couldn’t, for the life of me, think of anything Law has done other than A.I. and Cold Mountain. A quick tour through wikipedia has revealed that there is one movie–one–that I actually liked him in: I Heart Huckabees.

    However, this will not save him from his destiny. Ashley: bitch slap away.

  7. Jude Law would have made a great Irene Adler.
    And now I have to show Jessica “Reversal of Fortune”.

  8. Jeremiah is right, if you drink a beer and totally forget you ever read Doyle, it’s a decent adventure movie. I thought the sets were fantastic, but Rachel McAdams did totally suck.

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