The Situation: You find yourself in a seedy dive bar on the side of some deserted country road. You’re just there to have a few drinks, maybe forget the gal that done you wrong, but the last thing you want is a fight. Of course, that doesn’t stop some booze-fueled biker and his gang of man-apes from starting some shit. Fortunately, you’ve got friends, too. What four actors would you choose to have your back in a bar fight? Any four. Doesn’t matter. Plus, through the miracle of modern science, these lads show up in their prime (which means if you pick Harrison Ford, you get Star Wars or Raiders of the Lost Ark Ford, not Firewall Ford).
The Criteria: Some people might want some of them fancy kung-fu guys to have their back in a bar fight. Not me. Personally, I’d rather have a few no-nonsense, bare-knuckled brawlers backing me up:
1. John Wayne
For an entire generation, The Duke was the epitome of swaggering, brawny American manliness. If you want a fight over quickly, and with a minimum of banter, go with The Duke.
2. Lee Marvin
The laconic Marvin makes Wayne look downright chatty. This Hollywood tough guy fought in World War II for God’s sake!
3. Charles Bronson
Born into a family of coal-miners, Bronson later made a career playing vigilantes, hitmen, and gunfighters. Definitely the kind of guy you’d want on your side.
4. Viggo Mortensen
A bit of a dark horse, I’ll admit…but, given his roles in A History of Violence and Eastern Promises, I think Viggo’s a pretty good choice. Plus, if anyone asks who he is, I can always say “He is Viggo!”