The season finale of the award-winning web series, The Guild, has been posted.  Check it out:

The Situation: I may, on occasion, be a bit ethically ambiguous.  But, for the most part, I have a pretty strong moral compass and do have certain lines I won’t cross.  That’s why you need to have the names of a few rogues and scoundrels in your address book.  You just never know when a fast-talking, sniveling, conniving, back-stabbing son of a bitch may come in handy.  Granted, you never know when they might turn around and stab you in the back…but that’s half of the fun, isn’t it?

The Criteria: There’s a little bit of give in the definition of the word scoundrel.  For me, the four guys on this list (for the most part) are in it only for themselves.  Certain folks who could be on this list–Han Solo, Malcolm Reynolds, Robin Hood, Bugs Bunny–may be roguish, but all of their duplicity and fisticuffs come from a need to do the “right thing.”

1. Edmund Blackadder

From the British Middle Ages through the First World War, no family has been more craven and power-hungry than the Blackadder line.  Patricide, regicide, treason, sedition, insubordination–no act is too low for Blackadder, if it means improving his station or saving his neck.

2. Harry Flashman

The man who started life as the bully in Tom Brown’s Schooldays grew into the embodiment of roguish scalawagery.  Ol’ Flashman is a self-described cad.  A coward of the highest order who somehow manages to find himself lying, bullying, cowering, cheating and fornicating his way through some of the most important moments of the nineteenth century.

3. Jayne Cobb

He may be known as “The Hero of Canton”, but Jayne is far from heroic.  Sure, he’s got your back in a fight, but only if he knows he’ll be getting paid at the end of it.  He has been known to do “the right thing” from time to time, but it’s usually just a means to save his neck (or protect his good name, for whatever that’s worth).

4. Groucho Marx

It’s easy to forget that Groucho was such a scoundrel since he’s become a cultural icon, not to mention the spiritual father of Bugs Bunny.  But, remember this: most of Groucho’s actions in the Marx Brothers movies were fueled by lust, greed, or wounded pride…and what could be more roguish than that?

For those of you out there who have never seen an episode of Monty Python, Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, or Black Books, and doubt that the British have a sense of humor…

I give you this article from the BBC.  If you don’t laugh as soon as you read the headline, the terrorists win.

With Iron Man steamrolling its way through the box office, it looks like Marvel’s new film production arm is giving the green light to a bunch of movies, all leading up to The Avengers. Since Marvel is busy with Brand New Days and Secret Invasions, I thought I’d give them a hand with casting.

The Plot: Loki, Norse god of mischief, has come to Earth in an attempt to destroy his half-brother, Thor, once and for all. He tricks the Hulk into going on a rampage, forcing Nick Fury and SHIELD to assemble a team of heroes to take the Green Goliath down before he can cause too much destruction.

The Cast: Three of the main characters have already been cast in other movies–

Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man/Tony Stark

Samuel L. Jackson as Col. Nick Fury of SHIELD

Edward Norton as Dr. Bruce Banner

Here’s how I would fill out the rest of the cast:

Kevin McKidd as Captain America/Steve Rogers

A child of the Depression, Steve Rogers volunteered for a top secret experiment during WWII, becoming Captain America. Believed killed in action, Rogers was actually frozen in suspended animation for over 60 years. Though still awe-inspiring on the battlefield, Cap finds himself trying to come to grips with the 21st Century.

Sean Bean as Thor/Dr. Donald Blake

Son of Odin, a god amongst men. To learn humility, Thor was sent to Earth in the form of Donald Blake. However, when his wicked half-brother arrives, Thor does battle as only a god of Asgard can.

Michelle Monaghan as Wasp/Janet van Dyne

The brilliant and beautiful daughter of Vernon van Dyne, co-creator of the miniaturization technology known as “Pym” particles. When her father was killed during a break-in at his lab, Janet uses his invention to become the tiny, but deadly, Wasp.

Paul Walker as Ant-Man/Scott Lang

A petty thief and electronics whiz, Scott Lang was in the wrong place at the right time when he broke into the van Dyne home one night. Interrupting the men who had murdered Dr. van Dyne, Scott dons the Ant-Man costume and teams up with van Dyne’s daughter, Janet, to bring the murderers to justice.

Ryan Reynolds as Hawkeye/Clint Barton

Barton’s a highly trained Army sniper. When his unit is wiped out during one of the Hulk’s rampages, the cocky and arrogant marksman takes it upon himself to track the Jade Juggernaut and make him pay, a course of action that brings Barton face-to-face with Fury’s Avengers.

Alan Tudyk as Dr. Henry “Hank” Pym

Vernon van Dyne’s partner and co-creator of “Pym” particles. Dr. Pym had hoped to use the particles himself, but they reacted badly with his immune system, forcing him to abandon any dreams he may have had to be a hero. He joined Fury’s Avengers Initiative where he serves as head scientist and “exposition monkey.” Now he stands on the sidelines, watching the woman he loves fight injustice alongside another man. (Can you think of a better reason why he would create the evil robot Ultron in Avengers 2?)

Dylan Moran as Loki

When the Norse god of mischief learns that Thor has been banished to the mortal realm, he can’t help but come to see for himself. He encounters the Hulk during one of his rampages and tricks the Green Goliath into helping him torment his half-brother.

It isn’t always easy to see which way the winds of change are blowing. For example, it was probably impossible to tell in 1985 that MacGyver was the transitional show between the glorious days of mindless shoot ‘em ups like The A-Team and “thinking man’s” TV like…umm…oh, I dunno, L.A. Law?

Anyway, I loved MacGyver. I loved how Richard Dean Anderson and his bullet-proof mullet could stop an entire army of South American insurgents with a pocket knife, a roll of toilet paper (single-ply, at that!), old chewing gum and one of those little plastic things from the ends of a shoelace. He’s the man who inspired me to get a Swiss Army knife.

Now, rumors are circulating that there’s a possible “big-budget, blockbuster” MacGyver film in the works.

Okay, Hollywood. Listen up. I’m going to give it to you simple: This ain’t rocket science. Learn from Jon Favreau. Keep this shit simple. You call up Richard Dean Anderson and you get him on the set, pronto. If Harrison Ford can still be Indiana Jones, RDA can still be Mac. Need proof:

Got it? Good.

I’m going to be honest right off the bat: I am not a lifelong Doctor Who fan. (Gasp!) Well, I grew up in the Eighties in the U.S., where, before the Golden Age of Cable, the only station that played Who reruns was a semi-local PBS station that was barely watchable through all of the static. And, (WARNING: Further honesty ahead!) the only things that I can say with any certainty that I have been a lifelong fan of are Star Wars, Spider-Man, Batman, and Scooby-Doo. Are you still with me? Okay, good. Let’s do this thing.

Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I stumbled upon the Doctor Who revival completely unprepared. I knew of the good Doctor, as anyone who considers themselves a fan of science-fiction probably should–hey, if you’re a baseball fan, you probably know who the New York Giants and Brooklyn Dodgers are even if both teams headed west before you were born. I was also fortunate to have a friend in grade school who was really into Doctor Who (he was also really into Star Trek, comics, and Monty Python…so, if anyone other than myself can be blamed for my current state of affairs, it’s him). It was under his watchful eye that I learned about the Doctor, K-9, sonic screwdrivers, the Master, Daleks, Cybermen, and the TARDIS.

So, when I heard that the BBC (do people still call it “the Beeb”?) was going to do a whole new Who series, I was all about checking it out. I’m always on the hunt for good sci-fi on TV, and will usually check anything out once if it looks even half-way decent. Well, the new Doctor Who was a hell of a lot more than “half-way decent.” In “Rose” (the first of the new batch of Who episodes), we’re introduced to Christopher Eccleston’s Ninth Doctor. Eccleston’s Doctor was brilliant. His maniacal grin and that mad gleam in his eyes told you that being the sole survivor of the Time War had left some deep scars in this immortal rogue’s psyche. Watching Eccleston–especially in the episodes when he comes face-to-face with his old enemies, the Daleks–you just knew a day would come when a blood vessel was going to burst in his brain-box if he kept up that level of seething intensity. So, it came as no surprise when I found out that Eccleston was only going to last as long as the first season.

Shit! What’s a show to do when its star pulls out after one season? Easy there, Binky. Put that replica of Boba Fett’s blaster rifle down. No need to do anything rash. The Doctor is a Time Lord, remember? Time Lords have the ability, upon death, to regenerate twelve times. Eccleston’s Doctor was only the character’s ninth incarnation, we’ve got plenty of Who left.

Enter David Tennant as the Tenth Doctor. Tennant’s Doctor (first appearing at the end of season one’s “The Parting of the Ways”) is younger than Eccleston’s. He favors tweedy, three-piece suits and Converse sneakers over his predecessors black leather duster. While Eccleston’s Doctor looks like he’d be a bit player in a Guy Ritchie movie, the Tenth Doctor looks as though he should be an office clerk or a teacher at a turn of the century prep school (a role the Doctor actually filled in the “Human Nature”/ “The Family of Blood” two-parter). And, although he still carries the burden of being the last of his kind, the Tenth Doctor seems to be a bit removed from the Time War, allowing Tennant’s portrayal to be a little lighter, a bit goofier. This doesn’t mean that Tennant’s Doctor can’t be a terrifying bad-ass when the need arises. In fact, when he does it actually seems to carry more weight than Eccleston’s usually broody and fatalistic Ninth Doctor.

I adapted much easier to a new Doctor in the second season than I did to the new companion in the third. Every Doctor had at least one companion, usually a comely young woman–hey, if you were a nigh immortal time-traveler, you’d choose a comely young woman to be your traveling companion, too. In the first two seasons, the Doctor was joined by Rose Tyler (played by Billie Piper), a young girl from London and, occasionally, her boyfriend Mickey Smith (okay, okay, yes…there was also Captain Jack Harkness, but let’s keep things simpler, okay?). I’ll admit that part of Rose’s appeal wan that Ms. Piper is more than a little easy on the eyes. But, Rose also had the kind of strength and resolve that you usually find in characters from a working-class background. When Rose was sent to live on a parallel Earth at the end of “Doomsday”, the role of the Doctor’s companion was filled by medical student Martha Jones (Freema Agyeman).

I’ve divided fictional characters into four categories: those you love from the start (Wash, Doyle, House); those you hate from the get-go (Glory, Jool); those who grow on you over time (Dawn, Simon); and those you don’t really miss until they’re gone (Tara, Zhaan). Rose Tyler falls into the last category. I never really noticed her, she was always just there. But, then she was gone. Her replacement, Martha, is in the second category. I admit it was a good idea to juxtapose the working-class Rose with the better-educated Martha. Plus, Martha being a woman of color (Agyeman is of Ghanaian and Iranian heritage) added an interesting new dimension to the show whenever the pair would travel to “less enlightened” time periods, like the Elizabethan ( “The Shakespeare Code”) or Edwardian ( “Human Nature” and “The Family of Blood”) periods. However, it took me more than half of the season for Martha to finally grow on me–partly, I think, due to a pseudo-romantic subplot that ran through the season (honestly…can’t a man and a woman travel through time and space fighting aliens without things getting all groiny?)–and, when I was finally starting to like Martha, she went away, too.

This brings us to a new season (the fourth) and a new companion (the third). Tennant’s Doctor is an emotional wreck. He’s lost Rose, whom he cared deeply for. He’s been through an emotional roller-coaster with Martha, as well. And, after believing that he’s the last of the Time Lords, he learns there was another survivor all along: his arch-nemesis, the Master. But, now he’s gone, too. The Doctor has prepared himself for a solo existence of broodily traveling through time and space for the rest of his lives. When he runs into Donna Noble (Catherine Tate), whom he last met in “The Runaway Bride”, the Doctor realizes that it’s no fun being able to go anywhere (or anywhen) without a mate along for the ride (the Doctor’s use of the word “mate” led to a fun bit of banter between the pair when Donna misinterpreted his platonic intent). I have a feeling that it’s going to take me a while to get used to Donna, whose grating, antagonistic personality seems like it would be a better fit on a show like The Office or Fawlty Towers. Of course, I’ve never been one to deny my fear of change.

What I’m not afraid of is finding out what this season’s story arc is going to be. Back in the day, Doctor Who was a serial; however, the revival is written along the lines of shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, with stand-alone episodes that lead up to the reveal of a Big Bad (Bad Wolf, the Dalek-Cybermen Invasion, the return of the Master). With only two episodes aired States-side, it’s too early for me to even hazard a guess at what this season’s Big Bad is going to be–however, hints in this week’s “The Fires of Pompeii” could be taken to mean that it has something to do with the Doctor himself, and “his true name.” I don’t know about you, but I know I’ll be there when this season’s big villain is revealed. Why? Well, because as the Doctor would say, this show is fantastic!

From Joel Watson’s Hijinks Ensue webcomic:

Is it wrong that I think the idea of Katee Sackhoff stabbing and then making out with a hobo is really hot?  Yeah…it probably is.

Batman #675

W: Grant Morrison

A: Ryan Benjamin

Okay, I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of how Morrison writes Batman. He starts with a bunch of issues that don’t seem to make any sense whatsoever–including references to and appearances by characters who haven’t been seen or heard from in over two decades–and he somehow…somehow…ties it all together at the end. This leaves me with a book that, although still good as a whole, has months where it sits at the bottom of the “to read” pile.

This issue has something that I haven’t seen in quite some time: a Bruce Wayne babe with a brain. Jezebel Jet might look like all of the other brainless arm-candy that Bruce escorts around town in an attempt to foster his image as a billionaire playboy, but she’s intuitive enough to recognize that Bruce, the real Bruce, is a much darker soul than his public image might suggest. She senses his true face behind the mask of the bored billionaire. It’s possible that it could have ended there. Bruce would have just walked out and she’d never hear from him again. Of course, when Jezebel stumbles on Brucie beating some blindfolded ne’er-do-well into a thick, scarlet paste–rendered by Benjamin in an almost Frank Miller-esque fashion–she realizes just how right she was. Bruce Wayne is Batman. This revelation means, of course, that Ms. Jet will be dead within the year.

Just for shits and giggles, Morrison throws in a little Nightwing/Robin action, and for that I’m glad. I love the sibling vibe you get watching Dick and Tim work together (plus, they get to fight a bunch of thieves in dog masks…I shit you not). And, since it wouldn’t be a Morrison story without Damian, we get to see that little shit, too. Hey, was anyone else surprised to learn that Talia has some kind of weird spider-sense thing going on?

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Countdown to Final Crisis 1

W: Paul Dini

A: Tom Derenick

Ho-boy…

I guess now that Countdown to Final Crisis is officially over, we can look at the series as a whole and see if it worked or if it didn’t. I think it would be safe to say that some of what DC was attempting with Countdown worked. Some, not so much. Because of the size and scope of the series, there was a lot of padding to fill up 52 issues. And, since the various threads of the story were only slightly connected, there were moments when it felt disjointed (was that bit with Piper and Trickster–fun though it might have been–really necessary?). Also, what was all of that traipsing about the new Multiverse all about? Did that have anything to do with anything?

I think the major problem has to do with intent. 52 was about telling a story. Countdown was about setting up a story. Everything that happened in this series was just a means to get the characters where they needed to be for Final Crisis. I’m not saying that Countdown didn’t have its moments, in fact the last three months or so were quite good (this has a bit to do with the converging of the various plots). Unfortunately, I think it often dropped the ball on more than one occasion. What was the whole thing with Monarch all about? It looked to me to be little more than an excuse to play a big ol’ game of “What If…” (What if Donna Troy had to fight evil Donna Troy? What if Jason Todd came face to face with a good Joker?).

The final analysis: Countdown to Final Crisis had enough fun moments to make it a good read in a collected trade, but as a weekly series, it really couldn’t sustain enough thrills and/or momentum. Plus, what the hell is up with keeping Mary Marvel evil??!!??

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Justice League of America #20

W: Dwayne McDuffie

A: Ethan Van Sciver

I know what you’re saying: “What’s going on here, I thought you broke up with JLA.” Well, all I have to say to that is: “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, mister.”

It was a light week–only four books that I read came out–so, while standing in the comic shop, I picked up the new issue of JLA and gave it a quick flip-through. And, what did I find? Well, apparently it’s 1996 again. And I mean that in a good way.

McDuffie gives us a classic, stand-alone story about Flash and Wonder Woman teaming up to stop Queen Bee from stealing a fancy teleportation gizmo. This is it guys, it’s not rocket science. No company-wide, super-mega-final-ultimate tie-in bullshit. No unnecessary naval-gazing ( “Vixen, why are your powers different?”… “Roy, how dare you still care about the mother of your daughter when I’m standing here all sexy and winged?”). This was just a fun, balls-out old school super-hero story. It had a beginning, a middle, and an end, all wrapped up between two covers. And, more importantly, it was satisfying.

I knew McDuffie could deliver a story like this–he did it on the Justice League cartoon constantly–all he needed was to get the go-ahead from DC.

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Ultimate Fantastic Four #53

W: Mike Carey

A: Tyler Kirkham

The deus ex machina run rampant through this issue of Ultimate Fantastic Four. Ben was dead, but he really wasn’t. Reed was dead, but he really wasn’t. One was transported to another planet by Thanos’s pissed off daughter. The other simply altered his body into a form of living light. No points for guessing who did what. Then, Reed manages to get his hands on the Cosmic Cube and switch off the safety that prevents it from making people’s random thoughts a reality (don’t ask). That means that when Thanos takes the Cube and gets a giant hard-on thinking about Death, he dies. Neat, huh? Fortunately, that means that Reed can undo everything Thanos did in the last few issues, thereby saving the world. To paraphrase Mel Brooks: “It’s good to be Reed.”

There’s a little bit at the end that puts the episode of Quantum Leap when Sam saved the life of Jackie Kennedy–erasing the knowledge of her death from the memories of the viewers–to shame. Reed drops the Cosmic Cube he created into a rift in time and space. It falls through the heavens, eventually landing at the feet of past-Thanos. That’s right, kids. The Cosmic Cube that Thanos found all those ages ago was the very Cube that he forced Reed to make to replace the one he lost all of those ages ago. Trippy.

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Ultimate Spider-Man #121

W: Brian Michael Bendis

A: Stuart Immonen

I’ve come to realize that there are three kinds of Ultimate Spider-Man stories. There are the multiple-part super-villain smackdowns where Spider-Man fights a Goblin or Sandman or Doc Ock. There are the low-key, slice-of-life stories that look at Peter Parker’s civilian life. The third combines the first two, showing how Peter balances both sides of his dual life. This issue of Ultimate Spider-Man falls into the third category.

While explaining why the fake baby that he and Kitty Pryde were supposed to be taking care of is in about a ba-jillion pieces, Peter tells their teacher about the day he had. He was at the Bugle when Omega Red stops by. Omega Who? Don’t worry, I’m always surprised when he shows up in Ultimate Spider-Man. Anyways…Omega is pissed that J. Jonah Jameson ran an article about his defeat at the hands of Spider-Man. This article–and the insinuations it contained–has ruined Omega Red’s mercenary cred. Lucky for J.J., Peter happened to be in the newsroom that day, and Omega Red and Spidey meet for the second time.

There are numerous villains in Spider-Man’s rogues gallery who just couldn’t hold down an entire story on their own–Shocker, Rhino, Leap-Frog–so these kinds of issues are great places to showcase them. These stand-alone issues are also great ways to let readers catch their breaths between larger arcs. Overall, Bendis’s Ultimate Spider-Man never disappoints.

I have somewhat mixed emotions about this being the final season of Battlestar Galactica. I don’t want it to go on and on, slowly decreasing in quality like some shows (I’m lookin’ at you, X-Files). Nor do I want the creators to give us a really good wind-up only to have the show canceled by Sci-Fi before we get the resolution (oh Farscape…how they done you wrong [yes, yes...they tried to make it up to us with the made-for-TV movie, but some wounds do not heal so easily]).

However, if they’re going to start killing off my favorite characters, I’m glad to see the show coming to end. I’m not really complaining…I mean, I survived the slaughter of Wash, Doyle, the Lone Gunmen, and Jadzia Dax, so I’ll get over this.

Edward James Olmos said this final season was going to be depressing, and I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right.

The Situation: You lucky duck!  You’ve learned of some long forgotten and buried treasure–maybe it was a story handed down through your family; or maybe you found an old map in a book you bought at a used book shop in Europe; or it could just be that you think there’s some truth in a crazy old myth or folktale.  Whatever the reason, you really shouldn’t go out looking for this thing on your own.  You will need an expert.  A professional.  Someone who’s been trained at excavating and retrieving artifacts.  Dammit, you need an archaeologist.

The Criteria: Personally, I’d go for a university-trained archaeologist, as opposed to a money-hungry treasure hunter.  You really can’t trust treasure hunters.  It would probably be a good idea to find someone who can handle themselves in foreign countries–whether it’s speaking the local dialect or being able to take on a bar full of drunk locals.

1. Indiana Jones

Yeah, let’s be honest, he’s the guy.  You need a detective, you go to Sherlock Holmes.  You need an archaeologist, you better find Dr. Henry Jones, Jr.  He’s smart, tough, and a snappy dresser.  It also doesn’t hurt that he speaks every language known to man and shows up ready to go with a pistol and a whip.

2. Dr. Daniel Jackson

Okay, I know what you’re saying: “He’s just an egyptologist.”  True, in the original Stargate film, it was established that Dr. Jackson is an egyptologist, but in the subsequent TV series, Daniel displayed enough knowledge about ancient civilizations to qualify in my book.

3. Flynn Carsen

Carsen has 22 academic degrees, which earned him the prestigious job as Librarian–the guardian of treasures as diverse as Excalibur, the Spear of Destiny, and the Holy Grail.  His role also requires him to go out into the world and recover numerous important relics.  Carsen might not be as rugged as Indy, but he’s just as smart and driven.

4. Annja Creed

Who says the boys get to have all of the fun?  A trained archaeologist, Annja uses her role as co-host of Chasing History’s Monsters to finance her travels as she works on her own research.  Although she’s an admitted skeptic, Annja frequently finds herself coming face-to-face with mystical artifacts across the globe.  She’s also the heir of Joan of Arc’s magical broadsword…which, y’know, can come in handy.